Another month. Another test that shows one line. Another wedding where an auntie asks, kindly or not, whether there is any "good news" yet.

If you are waiting for a child, you already know how heavy that waiting is. You may be praying more than you ever have. You may also be quietly wondering whether something is wrong with you, whether it is nazar or sihr, or whether Allah is displeased.

This article is for that place.

Children are a gift Allah gives when He wills

The Quran is direct about this, and there is relief in its directness:

"To Allah belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth. He creates what He wills. He gives to whom He wills females, and to whom He wills males, or He gives both males and females, and He makes whom He wills childless. Indeed, He is All-Knowing, All-Powerful." — Quran 42:49-50

A delay is not a verdict on your worth or your faith. Some of the best people who ever lived waited for children for a very long time.

Zakariyya (peace be upon him) was old, his hair white, his wife unable to have children. He still asked, and he was answered with Yahya (Quran 19:2-9).

Ibrahim (peace be upon him) and Sarah were given the news of Ishaq in old age, so late that Sarah laughed in astonishment (Quran 11:71-72).

Their stories are in the Quran so that people in your position would read them.

Seeing a doctor is part of the Sunnah

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said that Allah has not sent down any disease without also sending down its cure (Sahih al-Bukhari 5678). Fertility problems are often medical, often treatable, and often simple to find with the right tests.

  • Both partners should be checked. Male factors are involved in a large share of cases, and testing the husband is quick and simple. It is not an insult; it is half of the picture.
  • When to go: common medical guidance is to see a doctor after a year of trying, or after six months if the wife is 35 or older, and sooner if periods are irregular or there is a known condition. In the UK, start with your GP. In the USA, start with your doctor or a gynaecologist.
  • Treatment within marriage: most contemporary scholars permit fertility treatment, including IVF, when it uses only the husband's and wife's own cells within a valid marriage. Donor eggs, donor sperm and surrogacy are not permitted by the mainstream view. Ask a scholar you trust about your specific case.

Dua and treatment are not rivals. Zakariyya (peace be upon him) asked Allah, and Allah also "set right his wife for him" (Quran 21:90). Making the means work is also from Allah.

Duas from the Quran for children

1. The dua of Zakariyya (peace be upon him) for a righteous child.

رَبِّ هَبْ لِي مِن لَّدُنكَ ذُرِّيَّةً طَيِّبَةً ۖ إِنَّكَ سَمِيعُ الدُّعَاءِ

Rabbi hab li min ladunka dhurriyyatan tayyibah, innaka sami'ud-du'a.

"My Lord, grant me from Yourself good offspring. Indeed, You are the Hearer of supplication." — Quran 3:38

2. His dua when he felt alone.

رَبِّ لَا تَذَرْنِي فَرْدًا وَأَنتَ خَيْرُ الْوَارِثِينَ

Rabbi la tadharni fardan wa anta khayrul-warithin.

"My Lord, do not leave me alone, and You are the best of inheritors." — Quran 21:89

The very next verse says: "So We answered him, and We gave him Yahya, and set right his wife for him."

3. The dua of Ibrahim (peace be upon him).

رَبِّ هَبْ لِي مِنَ الصَّالِحِينَ

Rabbi hab li minas-salihin.

"My Lord, grant me a child from among the righteous." — Quran 37:100

4. The dua for a family that brings comfort to the eyes.

رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا

Rabbana hab lana min azwajina wa dhurriyyatina qurrata a'yunin waj'alna lil-muttaqina imama.

"Our Lord, grant us from our spouses and our offspring comfort to our eyes, and make us leaders of the righteous." — Quran 25:74

This one is beautiful for husband and wife to say together.

Istighfar and children

Nuh (peace be upon him) told his people:

"Ask forgiveness of your Lord. Indeed, He is ever Forgiving. He will send rain upon you in abundance, and give you increase in wealth and children." — Quran 71:10-12

Many scholars drew from this that seeking forgiveness often is one of the means of being given children. Simple Astaghfirullah, said through the day, costs nothing and is never wasted.

How to keep going without breaking

  • Make dua as a couple. This is a test you share, not one partner's failure.
  • Pick one or two duas and keep them, after the obligatory prayers and in sujood, rather than trying everything at once.
  • Protect your hearts from people's questions. You do not owe anyone an update. A simple "Make dua for us" closes most conversations.
  • Keep your daily protection: the morning and evening adhkar, and Ayat al-Kursi before sleep.
  • Do not despair. "Do not despair of the mercy of Allah" (Quran 12:87) was said by Ya'qub (peace be upon him) after years of waiting.

What about sihr or nazar?

People sometimes jump straight to this, often because someone told them so. It is possible, but it is far less common than medical causes, and no honest person can tell you it is sihr from your name or over the phone. If there are other strong signs, read how to tell sihr, nazar and anxiety apart, and do ruqyah on yourselves at home alongside your treatment. And please be careful of anyone who asks for large sums to "open" your womb; these are the warning signs of a fake aamil.

How we work

We will not tell you it is sihr to keep you coming back, and we will not promise a child in a set number of months. Children are from Allah alone.

What we will do is read what you write about your situation, guide you with Quranic duas and practice suited to it, with every source named, and tell you plainly when something sounds like it needs a doctor first. If you would like that, you can share your situation privately here.

Sources

  • Quran 42:49-50 — Allah gives children to whom He wills
  • Quran 19:2-9, 21:89-90 — Zakariyya and Yahya
  • Quran 11:71-72 — Ibrahim, Sarah and Ishaq
  • Quran 3:38, 37:100, 25:74 — duas for children
  • Quran 71:10-12 — istighfar, wealth and children
  • Quran 12:87 — do not despair of Allah's mercy
  • Sahih al-Bukhari 5678 — every disease has a cure